Every visit, I’d leave not sure if I wanted to be with this person but as soon as I’d come home loneliness and nostalgia set in and suddenly I’m thinking “Well, it’s probably not as bad as all that. As much as I’m a non-confrontational person, I’ve tried to do some prodding about these issues, and I’ve been met with firm resistance. I don’t enjoy our time together in person, but maybe I just need to get used to it? Staying with her is easier, and safer, and better (so I tell myself). If I break things off now, I will have been wasting her time, for years.
I can deal with this.” Even though I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE. She does NOT think she should have to change for my sake. There’s still that person I’ve been talking to on the internet, right? She’ll feel betrayed, furious, devastated, and the thought of that makes me feel physically ill.
One of the most perverse aspects of being human is how hard we fight against our own best interests.
Our brains are prone to a host of psychological effects and fallacies that convince us that we damn good and well that I needed to break up with my girlfriend – for years longer than I should have.
Like many nerdy people, my hobbies don’t bring me in to social circles which contain a lot of women, so, dating has always been an uphill battle.
Repeated rejection really wore down my sense of self-worth, and had me totally convinced that I was totally undateable.
Other times, people try to avoid breaking up with their partners because they worry about what it says about them.
Feeling trapped probably means I should end it, but, I’m feeling pretty conflicted about a lot of things.
And nine times out of ten, what they’re asking for is permission to break up with their significant other…
because they can’t manage to convince themselves that they need to.
When I finally met someone (online) who seemed to really like and appreciate me, it completely blew my mind, and I felt on top of the world.
So, we chat for ages, find lots of similar interests, have all kinds of interesting conversations, things seem to be going great behind the sanitizing curtain of the internet. She’s pretty overweight, but, hell, I could lose a few pounds too. Except when we meet in person, I find out I gets in to everything and makes me nauseous.