For example, they cannot control their child’s temperament. They cannot control their child’s temptations, or their child’s responses to those temptations. As she saw her son pursuing other men who were 20 years older, she knew that he was searching for a father’s love.
And they cannot control their adult child’s moral behavior. She felt horrible, but she could not undo the past.
You will never see them in quite the same way again.
And, in that sense, the way you look at that person has changed forever. A profound, thought-provoking book on grief is In his book, Dr.
Whatever that future is, it will, and must, include the pain of the past with it. Some of the healthiest parents have grieved the deepest over this tragedy of having a gay son or daughter.
Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of those who have suffered a severe loss.” It is necessary to face the pain. Some of them have been incapacitated for months following this discovery.
Most worrisome are the ones who are “back to normal” after three weeks.
In one blinding crash, Gerald lost his mother, his wife and his young daughter. The “sunrise” began to be felt and his emotional state returned somewhat to normal.At the same time, all parents are imperfect; all parents cause pain in their children’s lives.This is not exclusive to parents of child struggling with homosexuality.It is common for them to ask, “Where did we go wrong?” They feel like total failures in one of their most important God-given roles.In the following days and weeks, Sittser went through the shock, the horrifying emotional pain and the crushing grief of his loss. However, three years after the accident, Sittser wrote these profound words: “Recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same.There is no going back to the past, which is gone forever, only going ahead to the future, which has yet to be discovered. Do not quote Scriptures to push it away prematurely.Norman Wright, author of the book, Loving a Prodigal comments, “The misbehaviors of our children do not necessarily indicate that we are failures as parents. If only I had guessed what was going on earlier…” The list is endless. Obsessing over the past is not going to change anything. Anita Worthen, co-author of the book, was a single mom during her 20s and 30s.Our worth as parents does not hinge on the choices of our children.” Parents are not responsible for what they cannot control. Parents can easily get stuck in the “if only” syndrome: “If only I had been a better parent … She realized that her sins as a teen had led to a less than ideal situation for her son. She did what she could to make the situation right.There are three possible answers: Answer #1—God is responsible. Some evangelical Christian parents have actually thrown out their biblical convictions that homosexuality is sin. People do not consciously choose to be gay, in the vast majority of cases.This condition is genetic—so God caused it, or at least, allowed it to occur. It is genetic, they rationalize, so my child had no other option. They become aware of homosexual feelings, often at puberty, just as you became aware of heterosexual desires and attractions. Answer #3—Homosexuality is the result of a combination of multiple factors, and parents may, or may not, have contributed in some way to their loved one’s struggles in this area. Anita Worthen realized that she had sinned against her son, Tony, by becoming an unmarried mom. He was drawn sexually to men about his father’s age, and Anita saw the underlying dynamic: He was searching for the affectionate love from an older man that he never received from his biological, absent father. You initiate the discussion, in a spirit of humility.